god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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