im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
