did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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