"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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