I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
