is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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