Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize