It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
