just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
