You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i will never coherently bang her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
