he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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