so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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