I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
