I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
