The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
