I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
