she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
