around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
