Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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