I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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