I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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