just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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