I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
