i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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