Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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