You smell like a Billy Joel song
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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