I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
