yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
