you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
