I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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