Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
