Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
