have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
