my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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