I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
