And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
