He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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