OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
