the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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