im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
