the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
