tell your sister to shave her snatch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
