I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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