I looked at my own cervix.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
