remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
