no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
