Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
