You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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