apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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