my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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