Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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