Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
