worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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