I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
