I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish there were birth control emojis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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