Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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