I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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