this beer tastes like vomit already
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
