Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
