I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Drunk is not a location!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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