Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
