There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
