well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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